Nasty Buggers

It's been hard getting a good night's sleep for the past few days, thanks to an annoying gang of mosquitos that seem to auto-replenish themselves everytime we kill one. Even if we use our mosquito net to block 'em out, they seem to be able to find a way in somehow!? OR they are piercing us through the net, which would be totally pointless to have the stick-to-our-skin net at all.

This morning, I awoke to the familiar high-pitched buzzing in my ear. I bolted up, grabbed our electric racquet and went on the prowl. You would think that with my bad eyesight I wouldn't have a chance, but luckily this one was all juiced up and plump with a fresh bite off C's back. I swooped him onto my powered raquet, and he was frozen still by the electric shock.

'That was easy,' I thought as I carried him on the racquet towards the toilet, but suddenly, his corpse POPPED and a huge blue spark exploded off the racquet!!!!! !@$%$%@#$@#$!!! This is what normally happens if my prey is exceptionally large, but I totally didn't expect it as I let out a blood curdling scream. All this at 8 in the morning...

Then on my way to the kitchen I stopped dead in my tracks to see a GIANT daddy long legs on its back, with its angular legs pointing at the sky. Looked pretty dead to me. But of course, there was NO WAY I was going near it!! So of course, I called on my personal exterminator:

E: Huuuun...!! There's a giant fly dead in the kitchen!!!! Hellllp!!
C: (grumbling, half asleep)
E: Come on!! It's gross!!! (I step over it and go make some breakfast.)
C: (walks down the hall, into the kitchen) ... ugh.. where is it?
E: (turns around, looks at the floor) OMG YOU STEPPED ON IT!! HAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!! ITS UNDER YOUR FOOT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
C: (jumps away with half of the daddy long legs stuck to his foot) Ahhh!! ewww!! I HATE YOU!!!! I hate you... I hate you... (grumbles and goes back to bed)

Hahahahahaha :D

Eggs and their many uses

It's a well known fact in Amsterdam that the taxi drivers are ruthless when it comes to bikers/cyclists. They're constantly trying to run you off the road with load honking, making sharp turns on the canal bridges 1cm away from you, accelerating towards you while you cross the street and/or hitting you with their side mirrors at high speed on narrow streets. It's like they're trying to kill you, literally.

This morning, a fellow biker almost got crushed by a taxi driver making a U-turn into a taxi lane. He had tried to pass the taxi on its left side as it happened, and was uttering a series of 'Hey's' with increasing volume and frequency before the taxi driver caught eye of him. This was actually a 'nice' taxi driver, believe it or not, because he raised his hand and shirked apologetically to the biker, who was understandably hot-headed and furious at this point. Like, c'mon, can't you see he's got a backpack, suitcase, children seated in the front and back, block of cheese in the front rack, umbrella in one-hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other?!! Give the guy a break!!!

(Okay so I was kidding about his Dutchness. He only had 2 bags and an umbrella, to be fair.)

Anyway, I have been in many of these situations myself, and have always felt flustered afterwards. How else should one feel after knowing someone actually tried to kill you!!? or at least could have... The rapid rage of fury is usually followed by "I wish I had an egg right about now" stream of thoughts, because it would be so nice - SOO NICE - to smash an egg (or 2) into that a**hole's shiny new car.

(My other inventions for annoyed bikers are still in the works and will be released in 2009, namely the 'Move Bitch' Tourist Swatter, Pocket-sized Air Horn, Racquet Ball on-a-Stick for hitting cars, and other exciting items.)