Goodbye nice flat

Goodbye nice open flat
I must move because of the rats
who defecated all over the place
putting a grimace on my scrunched up face.

Goodbye green floral couch
that was perfect for an afternoon slouch
I could sink into it with joy
and eat my fried tofu made of soy.

Goodbye kingsized waterbed
I slept in you as if I were dead
Sometimes I'd wake up with sore joints
but even then you still scored high points.

Goodbye big white oven
that allowed me to make cookies by the dozen
but I just couldn't look at you the same
after finding mice poop all over your stovetop covering windowpane.

Poor mousie

You know it's gotta be pretty bad when a man lets out a yelpish groan, one that makes your spine tingle and your hairs raise. It was like that today when Christian was disposing of the half-mouse that was clamped between the black mouse trap that M&C had bought me before they left for their month-long eurotrip. Although the cut-in-half Reese bite had been in the trap for over a week, it was only now that a lil mouse dared to go for it. In doing so, he lost his lil life. When I discovered his dark half of a mouse body on my kitchen floor, I was pretty sick and saddened too.

It's true, I have a mouse problem. It started small but now it's just uncontrollable. Mouse poop is everywhere in my kitchen, the apartment reeks of a semi-sour piss, I have even seen 2 mice eating out of my cracker bag, which is in a cupboard hanging above the sink.

Yes they are small, and yes, they are quite cute. But when they defecate all over the f#¤king place, I just cannot accept them anymore. Last Sunday, we got poison pellets that dry them out from the inside. Apparently, it's sort of like a mummification process (mental note: if it exists for humans, i might just use it for my own future mummification heehee) whereby the mice eat the poison, get real dehydrated, and then just die somewhere (hopefully in private, or spending their last moments with their wife/hubby n' kids.) Sigh... sad.. oh so sad...

Our next career move: Professional burglary

A few days ago, Mayling came to visit me with her friend Allan and they stayed at my apartment. When they left, I told them to drop off the keys in my mailbox, so that I could get them later on with my other set of keys. Little did I know that I only had *one* mailbox key, and that key was of course inside of the mailbox.

Me and Christian joked a bit about using magnets/clothing wire hangers/other 'long' things to get the keys out of the mailbox…and I thought ‘shit, I need to bother my landlord for such a stupid thing’, but before calling him, we decided to take a shot in the dark and pick the mailbox lock.

It was a nice warm summer night, and I began by shoving any small key I had on my keychain into the mailbox. Nothing fit except for a small bike lock key, which I jammed into the lock and wiggled for minutes unsuccessfully. Then, we proceeded to pound on the mailbox. This probably didn’t help much except for to vent our fury. I then flipped open the lil flap to the mailbox and tried to reach in, but of course my hand was too damn big. Flipping the flap up and down also didn’t do much to help.

Remembering that I had a bobby pin in my hair, I took it out and shoved it into the lock. It went in further, but couldn’t grip onto anything. Nevertheless, Christian wiggled the bobby pin at maybe 1000 vibrations per minute, frantically trying to pop the lock. Still nothing. I thought, maybe its time to give up. This will never work…

However, the lock had turned to a 45 degree angle now… and I thought.. maybe.. just maybe.. and I shoved the small bike lock key once more in, and turned it fully horizontal.

To our absolute shock, the mailbox door opened…!!!!!!!! And I got my keys back. :D :D :D we are SO made for burglary… what the hell am I doing at a bank!!! Hahaha

Finally Friday

Today I saw a very dead rat. It was laying smack dab in the middle of the cement bike path, laying on its right side with what seemed to be a skinny tire track on its neck. Its long rat tail stretched nearly 5cm long, thick, dry and ropelike, and its eyes were open with no emotion. Its small yellow teeth were visible under its furry lips, and its little paws gripped at nothing, close to its chest.

Things like that really make me sad. I didn't know whether to kick the rat to the side of the road (to avoid it getting any more tire tracks), report it to the Animal Society (u know, like SPCA), or to just leave it there (that I did anyway). But what surprised me was the size of the rat. After catching my mouse just a few days earlier, I was under the impression that Dutch mice were small n' cute. But this rat was huuge!! Probably around 6-7 inches long (just the body). Yuck!

I'm soo glad the weekend's here. The sun has been out almost all week long (finally) and it's been an amazing 23 sunny degrees almost daily. Also, I'll be having another visitor from Vancouver! This time it's a guy I haven't seen in 5(?) years or more?? We used to work together at A&W, back in the heyday when I didn't work for money, had no problems with scrubbing toilets glove-free, scraping dried ketchup off the walls of the garbage can, reusing garbage bags, cleaning up after trailer-park type customers, etc. (hey it was just part of the job).

I remember even that there was one time when I cashed out, and we were short $100. Back then, I felt so responsible on the job that I went straight to the bank and took $100 out of my own account to even out the register. (Wow, I almost forgot about this.) Back then, I actually took my job seriously, even tho it was just a burger joint. I really made an effort to do well, to be nice to every customer and treat my job as if it were really something. When someone forgot their pop on the counter, I would run out into the public parking lot, in my gawdy grey faded clown pants and vertically shiped oversized shirt, just to make sure they didn't go thirsty after downing all that lard in the form of burgers and fries. I was such a good employee!!!! :) *pat on back*

Well, today is another story. When I find a better job, one that is not as dry, boring and processed, I am pretty sure I will go back to being a good employee (I think :) ).

WE GOT HIM!!

We first found him rustling inside of an open Doritos bag. Scared as hell, Lorea and I poked at it randomly with a chinese wooden backscratcher, feeling around for what seemed like a huge, meaty rat with big yellow teeth and red eyes. Eventually I clipped the bag shut with clothespins, but somehow it seemed to have escaped while we were mesmerized with Greys Anatomy on TV or something.

Anyway, that was in Feb and since then I've seen a mouse on and off (not sure if it's the same one?) and it didn't really bother me. But a few days ago, I decided to clean my kitchen stove finally since I would be having visitors, and was extremely grossed out to see 20+ mouse poop between my gas elements. On top of that, there were sticky dried up pools of what had to be mouse piss, cuz it wouldn't dilute or wipe away easily.

Normally, I wouldn't be for hurting animals in any way. That's why I avoided rat poisons, mouse traps, etc. because it is just so sad to kill them. But seeing the 'chocolate sprinkles' on my stovetop was the last straw. I mean, I think I could've lived w/ having a lil mouse run around now n then, but if it's going to poop all over the places where I cook my food, I say poison that mofo!!

So as I was mentally prepared to do some mouse killing, we got home last night and what do y'know!!! There in my mouse trap was a tiny itty-bitty mousie!! (Maija my friend from Finland had lent me her ethical mouse trap.) The lil thing was sooo cute, it was standing so still and he had eaten all of the peanut butter bread I had put in the trap maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago(!). After a while he went crazy and ran around and around the trap, trying desperately to get out, but still couldnt. hehe. he was so cute, with his lil itsy-bitsy paws gripping the metal railings.

I always thought mice would be ugly but this one was really cute, and now that I see other mice pictures, they really *are* cute! In the end, we took the trap outside and released him into the wild. I wonder if I can catch more mice!! :D