Goodbye nice flat

Goodbye nice open flat
I must move because of the rats
who defecated all over the place
putting a grimace on my scrunched up face.

Goodbye green floral couch
that was perfect for an afternoon slouch
I could sink into it with joy
and eat my fried tofu made of soy.

Goodbye kingsized waterbed
I slept in you as if I were dead
Sometimes I'd wake up with sore joints
but even then you still scored high points.

Goodbye big white oven
that allowed me to make cookies by the dozen
but I just couldn't look at you the same
after finding mice poop all over your stovetop covering windowpane.

Poor mousie

You know it's gotta be pretty bad when a man lets out a yelpish groan, one that makes your spine tingle and your hairs raise. It was like that today when Christian was disposing of the half-mouse that was clamped between the black mouse trap that M&C had bought me before they left for their month-long eurotrip. Although the cut-in-half Reese bite had been in the trap for over a week, it was only now that a lil mouse dared to go for it. In doing so, he lost his lil life. When I discovered his dark half of a mouse body on my kitchen floor, I was pretty sick and saddened too.

It's true, I have a mouse problem. It started small but now it's just uncontrollable. Mouse poop is everywhere in my kitchen, the apartment reeks of a semi-sour piss, I have even seen 2 mice eating out of my cracker bag, which is in a cupboard hanging above the sink.

Yes they are small, and yes, they are quite cute. But when they defecate all over the f#¤king place, I just cannot accept them anymore. Last Sunday, we got poison pellets that dry them out from the inside. Apparently, it's sort of like a mummification process (mental note: if it exists for humans, i might just use it for my own future mummification heehee) whereby the mice eat the poison, get real dehydrated, and then just die somewhere (hopefully in private, or spending their last moments with their wife/hubby n' kids.) Sigh... sad.. oh so sad...

Our next career move: Professional burglary

A few days ago, Mayling came to visit me with her friend Allan and they stayed at my apartment. When they left, I told them to drop off the keys in my mailbox, so that I could get them later on with my other set of keys. Little did I know that I only had *one* mailbox key, and that key was of course inside of the mailbox.

Me and Christian joked a bit about using magnets/clothing wire hangers/other 'long' things to get the keys out of the mailbox…and I thought ‘shit, I need to bother my landlord for such a stupid thing’, but before calling him, we decided to take a shot in the dark and pick the mailbox lock.

It was a nice warm summer night, and I began by shoving any small key I had on my keychain into the mailbox. Nothing fit except for a small bike lock key, which I jammed into the lock and wiggled for minutes unsuccessfully. Then, we proceeded to pound on the mailbox. This probably didn’t help much except for to vent our fury. I then flipped open the lil flap to the mailbox and tried to reach in, but of course my hand was too damn big. Flipping the flap up and down also didn’t do much to help.

Remembering that I had a bobby pin in my hair, I took it out and shoved it into the lock. It went in further, but couldn’t grip onto anything. Nevertheless, Christian wiggled the bobby pin at maybe 1000 vibrations per minute, frantically trying to pop the lock. Still nothing. I thought, maybe its time to give up. This will never work…

However, the lock had turned to a 45 degree angle now… and I thought.. maybe.. just maybe.. and I shoved the small bike lock key once more in, and turned it fully horizontal.

To our absolute shock, the mailbox door opened…!!!!!!!! And I got my keys back. :D :D :D we are SO made for burglary… what the hell am I doing at a bank!!! Hahaha

Finally Friday

Today I saw a very dead rat. It was laying smack dab in the middle of the cement bike path, laying on its right side with what seemed to be a skinny tire track on its neck. Its long rat tail stretched nearly 5cm long, thick, dry and ropelike, and its eyes were open with no emotion. Its small yellow teeth were visible under its furry lips, and its little paws gripped at nothing, close to its chest.

Things like that really make me sad. I didn't know whether to kick the rat to the side of the road (to avoid it getting any more tire tracks), report it to the Animal Society (u know, like SPCA), or to just leave it there (that I did anyway). But what surprised me was the size of the rat. After catching my mouse just a few days earlier, I was under the impression that Dutch mice were small n' cute. But this rat was huuge!! Probably around 6-7 inches long (just the body). Yuck!

I'm soo glad the weekend's here. The sun has been out almost all week long (finally) and it's been an amazing 23 sunny degrees almost daily. Also, I'll be having another visitor from Vancouver! This time it's a guy I haven't seen in 5(?) years or more?? We used to work together at A&W, back in the heyday when I didn't work for money, had no problems with scrubbing toilets glove-free, scraping dried ketchup off the walls of the garbage can, reusing garbage bags, cleaning up after trailer-park type customers, etc. (hey it was just part of the job).

I remember even that there was one time when I cashed out, and we were short $100. Back then, I felt so responsible on the job that I went straight to the bank and took $100 out of my own account to even out the register. (Wow, I almost forgot about this.) Back then, I actually took my job seriously, even tho it was just a burger joint. I really made an effort to do well, to be nice to every customer and treat my job as if it were really something. When someone forgot their pop on the counter, I would run out into the public parking lot, in my gawdy grey faded clown pants and vertically shiped oversized shirt, just to make sure they didn't go thirsty after downing all that lard in the form of burgers and fries. I was such a good employee!!!! :) *pat on back*

Well, today is another story. When I find a better job, one that is not as dry, boring and processed, I am pretty sure I will go back to being a good employee (I think :) ).

WE GOT HIM!!

We first found him rustling inside of an open Doritos bag. Scared as hell, Lorea and I poked at it randomly with a chinese wooden backscratcher, feeling around for what seemed like a huge, meaty rat with big yellow teeth and red eyes. Eventually I clipped the bag shut with clothespins, but somehow it seemed to have escaped while we were mesmerized with Greys Anatomy on TV or something.

Anyway, that was in Feb and since then I've seen a mouse on and off (not sure if it's the same one?) and it didn't really bother me. But a few days ago, I decided to clean my kitchen stove finally since I would be having visitors, and was extremely grossed out to see 20+ mouse poop between my gas elements. On top of that, there were sticky dried up pools of what had to be mouse piss, cuz it wouldn't dilute or wipe away easily.

Normally, I wouldn't be for hurting animals in any way. That's why I avoided rat poisons, mouse traps, etc. because it is just so sad to kill them. But seeing the 'chocolate sprinkles' on my stovetop was the last straw. I mean, I think I could've lived w/ having a lil mouse run around now n then, but if it's going to poop all over the places where I cook my food, I say poison that mofo!!

So as I was mentally prepared to do some mouse killing, we got home last night and what do y'know!!! There in my mouse trap was a tiny itty-bitty mousie!! (Maija my friend from Finland had lent me her ethical mouse trap.) The lil thing was sooo cute, it was standing so still and he had eaten all of the peanut butter bread I had put in the trap maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago(!). After a while he went crazy and ran around and around the trap, trying desperately to get out, but still couldnt. hehe. he was so cute, with his lil itsy-bitsy paws gripping the metal railings.

I always thought mice would be ugly but this one was really cute, and now that I see other mice pictures, they really *are* cute! In the end, we took the trap outside and released him into the wild. I wonder if I can catch more mice!! :D

QUEENS DAY!!

It's that time of year again, everyone!! Time to:

• dress all in orange
• join the massive crowds in the streets who have come from all over Holland to Amsterdam
• party in the outdoor festivals/concerts at every public square in town
• watch Drag Queens compete in Pole Dances, Stiletto Runs and Handbag Throws at the Drag Olympics
• paint our faces with a Dutch flag AND of course a CDN flag ;)
• get totally drunk all night and day
• watch boats float thru the canals blaring loud techno music and aboard with drunk dutch people in wigs and more orange clothing

Why all this? It's the Dutch national celebration of their queen, hence: QUEEN'S DAY!

Paris

PARIJS highlights:
- gross cigarette-, razor- and match-eating man on the street (for money of course)
-funny Indian guys getting their portraits drawn
-average 6 EUROS for a small coca-cola (@#$!!)
-eating very red and very difficult to chew duck meat
-*standing on the Eiffel Tower as it sparkled in the night*
-running up to the 2nd floor of the Eiffel Tower (too broke to buy a ticket for the lift)
-a lot of metro riding
-eating berry tarts and croissants, mmm
-o yea, how could I forget, looking out of our hotel window and right into another hotel that was 1 metre away, complete with a pair of (shocked) lovers in the bedroom

Okay so we didn't do a lot. But that's cuz it was so frickin' expensive!! Not a place to go if you are not filthy rich. But it was still fun :) <3

it all makes sense now...

Y'know the question "if you were an animal, which animal would you be?" Well, I've never really been able to pinpoint it, but I did have some sort of affinity with FROGs and even had a childhood collection of them (in dollform, piggy bank form, u name it) but now it really all makes sense.

First, there was this picture I took last year with a frog statue that really had me convinced I was a frog in my past life:














And today, I ran my name through an ANAGRAM creator (don't ask why) and apparently, my name can be respelled as "A NICE FROG"! hahahahha!!!! Other noteworthy mentions are:

• ACE OF RING
• FACE GROIN <--LOL
• A CRINGE OF
• CAFE GROIN
• I GO FRANCE
• CARGO FINE
• I CAN FORGE
• ENRICO FAG
• NO RICE FAG
• GAIN FORCE

FYI

I know you've all been sittin' around wondering the exact same things that I have been recently, so I thought I'd share the deep and analytical research findings of my very hard-at-work-googling efforts in this post. You can thank me later.

Q: What is a teat? Isn't it just some funky way of pronouncing 'TIT'? Y'know, you don't 'twist a tit', you 'twist someone's teat'.

A: In fact, a teat is a real word, as an alternative word for a nipple or breast. It is the projection from the udder through which milk is discharged. Teats are also called papilla mammae. So the next time you try to twist your friend's teat, you can use that word correctly, AND with confidence.

Q: Do sheep ever attack?

A: Well, sorry to disappoint, but I still have no conclusive research evidence on this topic. In Texel, it very well seemed that they might be capable of violent attacks, especially when we got nearer and nearer to the baby lambs, but the expression on their faces teetered back an forth between 'aware-angry- and ready to kick some human ass' and just plain ol' 'hey molly do you see something or is it my glaucoma??'

Note: I failed my mission to touch a baby lamb in Texel. They were SOOOOO cute.. but we really didnt' wanna risk a sheep stampede. If anyone knows the answer to this question, please let me know!!

Well, my 8 hrs are up, I'm running out into the sunshine!! If you have any questions you'd like answered, drop me a line...Tot volgende keer :)

Ouch...

Today I saw a woman on the bus who was appallingly ugly. She had pale white skin, thick and dark drawn in eyebrows, a head of extremely frizz-dried overbleached blonde hair that was held back by a black headband and went down to the half of her back, a black n' white striped tshirt, pale white pantyhose, and chubby fingers with dark burgundy nail polish. I was quite amazed by her so I observed her for quite a while, even though I didnt' really want to.

So, since she was that special, here is a tribute to her:

cute lil lambs

It's spring and time to see those baby lambs lying like dead things on the side of the railway tracks again! Dunno why, but I've always liked baby lambs. Sheeps, well, they're alright, but there's not many things cuter than a baby lamb. I think it's cuz they don't bite (as far as I know), scratch, bark, or really do anything bad. They're just kinda there. Lying on their sides with their legs crossed. Relaxing, chilling on the grass.

In the north of the NL, there are a few islands where you can see alot of nature. Dunes, sand, beaches, marshes, and ... baby lambs!! I am planning to go see them this weekend. :D Can't wait to touch one hehe. I hope I can sneak one in my duffelbag.

today was alright

hey y'alls,

It was an OK day today. I didn't get arrested, so that was good. I did, however, do a front flip on my bicycle (unintentionally). As usual, I had no idea how/what happened, but it felt like I hit a big pylon or rock that was in my way, cuz my front wheel totally went locked and the bike just went over my head and before I knew it, I was squashed under my bike on the concrete, waving my arms wildly trying to get the bike off my head. What a sight it must've been. Thank god no one was around...

Life is really funny actually. I can't be too specific here, but I was reminded today that nothing is ever as you expect. And everytime I think something is really really great, I am reminded that it's usually only a matter of time before I start complaining about it. It's just part of humanity I suppose. But anyway, after my meetings today I can't wait to find out what will happen next week!! :)

will try to blog more...

this says it all...

Go ahead, arrest me!!

Earlier this year, I made a resolution to be a tougher person. By tough I don't mean going around with a butch haircut, wearing ripped jeans and leather vests, or punching people out randomly. I just meant standing up for what I believe in more often and being more vocal when I'm not cool with something.

About a month ago, I was able to exercise this 'toughness' with a dumb bimbo in the coat check of Jimmy Woo (club in Amsterdam). We were in a big crowd trying to get our coats back, but I had hung mine with a girl who was still going to stay at the club, so I asked if the bimbo could take just MY coat off the rack and hang the remaining coat back up.

"No," she replied coldly. "There are too many people here waiting for me to do that. Either you take both coats, or you don't take either of them." At that, she decided to throw both coats off the hanger and leave them on the counter. I was in disbelief at her rude and stupid service. Blanking out for a few minutes (seconds??), we finally decided to comply and just ask her to put the coat on another rack, thus having to get a new ticket stub for the coat check.

After waiting for what was probably 10 minutes, watching the stupid coat check bimbos mull around slowly in the coat check, back and forth, slow as snails, she finally issued a new ticket for the coat we were holding onto. I had had enough.

When she gave us the new ticket stub, I said to her, "I hope you realise that you just created MORE work for yourself. You could've just kept the coat on the hanger and hung it back up!!" She responded with a "yea whatever" and walked away, while I then shouted, "MAYBE IF YOU USED YOUR *BRAIN* A LITTLE!!!!!" (this is where i quickly disappeared into the crowd).

[Note: This is a very typical example of the Dutch 'customer service' mentality. They just DONT THINK/give a shit about how to help you.]

Today, I was confronted with another chance to stand up for myself.

I was biking on my way to work when a navy-blue uniform clad Dutch man jumped out to stop me. Saying I had run a red light, he demanded to see my ID over and over, while I stared at him and tried to get him to let me go. After a few tries, he said he was going to arrest me if I didn't show him my ID so he dragged me all the way to the police station.

You may be wondering why I didn't give him my ID?

1. Because if I did, I'd DEFINITELY be fined (and I was still hoping I'd be let go).
2. Because he was being a total asshole.
3. Because I did NOT run the red light!!!

On the way there, I started to cry as a last resort, but it did no good whatsoever. He was just as mean. He even grabbed me a few times roughly, took my bike and walked ahead, making sure I followed him.

Ten mins later, I found myself locked in a little cell in the police station with real iron bars, and no way of getting out. The police officer then came around to search my purse, and only snatched it out of my hands after some struggle. He went to the otherside of the bars and started searching around, including unfolding my foil-wrapped open faced sandwich (rye bread with cheese).

"What is this??" he said while he unwrapped my foil. I shouted back, "That's my lunch, do you wanna take that too? Just take it, why don't you????" Finally he opened my wallet and found my ID, those bastards. I also muttered many other things (such as "There are real criminals out there!!", "I'm a good person!!", "This is no way to treat your citizens!!", "I'm sick of all these stupid systems in the Netherlands!" "Go ahead and kick me out of this stupid country!") that got no sympathy from them as they proceeded to ask my address/name and check my background.

I couldn't have cared less if I got arrested or a record, it was SO ridiculous how they were accusing me of running a red light (there WERE NO bike traffic lights at that intersection, that I'm sure of.) and they were fining me for something stupid when drugs and prostitutionis totally OKAY there.. what the hell!!!

So I sat in that lil room for maybe 45 mins, waiting to be let out and go to work. I was done my crying session and so then decided finally to cooperate (and give them my real address). I did manage to tell them tho that the police officer was a total asshole and was extremely abusive and rough with me. Not that it will result in any consequences for him, but sigh, that's life in the Netherlands.

In the end, I was let go with two different fines: One for "running the red light" and another for refusing to show my ID. Was it worth it? Maybe not. But at least I stood up for my rights!!!!! ARRRGH!!!!!!!

Things that make me laugh

• posters for some woman's concert was titled "The Farewell World Tour" (get it? farewell world?? hahaha)
• You know you're Chinese when...
• the word for "teenagers" in Dutch is 'pubers'!!!!! (no joke, lol!!!)

and of course, who could forget, a few days ago:

SINGAPORE (Reuters) - A teenage guitarist got so carried away while bouncing up and down on his bed mimicking a rock star that he flew out of a third floor window to his death, a Singapore newspaper reported Wednesday.

The Straits Times said Li Xiao Meng, a 16-year-old from China who was studying at Singapore's Hua Business School, was a keen musician who liked to jump up and down while playing his guitar in his hostel room.

"But on November 17 he took things a bit too far," the newspaper said, reporting on a coroner's court findings.

Ruling death by misadventure, the court said evidence "points to the deceased unintentionally falling out of the window to his death when he was hyped up with exhilaration, jumping up and down on the bed placed against an open window while mimicking a rock guitarist.""

Normally the windows were locked, the newspaper said, but students sometimes forced them open so they could smoke, something prohibited by the hostel.

Picture update

hello! as i've been too busy (lazy) to post, here is a picture update. Mouseover the pics for the captions! :) tot later, -e

Moments of insanity

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you just lose control of yourself? You kinda know what you're doing, and you know it's not going to end up pretty, but you are doing it anyway and then you just have to deal w/ the consequences that follow.

It can be anything from having a total lapse from logical reasoning, like the time I dropped EUR 200 on a pair of jeans (and only realised a few hours later that I spent CDN $320 on a single pair of jeans), binging non-stop on chocolates and cookies (just for the hell of it, and dammit, cuz it feels good), and of course, hitting my limbs on random street obstacles like parked cars and bike racks.

The other day, I happened to go too fast through a narrow path, with parked cars on my left and a row of parked bikes on a bike rack to my right. Thinking "I-can-make-it-I-can-make-it" as I sped by did me little good, as I was brought to an instant HALT when my right calf got caught somewhere between the bike rack and my bike pedal(??) I still have no idea what happened. All I know is I now have a bruise the size of my fist surfacing slowly on the back of my calf muscle.

I guess we all kinda zone out at one time or another. Like now, for instance, cuz I can't think of anything else to elaborate on this subject.

[Zoning out in progress...]

--
In other news, I was particularly amused by the following incident at work yesterday :

Boss: Please excuse the strange sounds I'm making... [bends over in her chair towards colleague seated next to her]
Colleague: *chuckles*
Boss: [bent over, under desk] *slurp* *squish* *lick* *smack lips* *wet slurps*
Me: [wide-eyed]
Boss: Ha ha ha! It's VERY JUICY... *slurp* *smack* *breathy gasp of enjoyment/relief*

Um.. yea (it was apparently some kinda orange). ^_-

Back from the dead!!!

I HAVE SURVIVED THE EUROPEAN/AMSTERDAM FLU FOR THE 2ND (and hopefully the last) TIME.

I have never experienced more pain. Constant fever (39-40 degrees Celsius), aches and pains, nausea, dizziness, headache, chills, lack of appetite, total inability to do anything but lie in my totally wet clothes drenched in sweat, and of course this lasts for more than a whole week straight!!!

Maybe I'm getting old, but what happened to the days where flus lasted 1-2 days and then I am well again??? Before I knew it, I've missed over 1 week of work, and for the record did not enjoy my days off as I could not leave my room for most of those days.

Of course, I got the dreaded recurring nightmare that I always get when I'm delerious (the one where I almost always wake up totally disoriented and ready to jump out the window hysterical) but luckily this time, I didn't actually have to die in my dream...which is a good change to say the least... :) Something's changed!!

Tomorrow will be my first day back at work after my sickness. I'm not looking forward to it but it will be nice to do something productive after lying around for so long. Oh yea, I've also moved apartments!!! and it is GREAT!!!! I have a king-sized waterbed (fyi - king-sized in amsterdam is more like a Queen bed back home), but hey I ain't complaining as my bed back home is just a Twin (oh but how I love thee Obusforme, we shall meet again soon, I hope)...

Housewarming will come soon... :) I hope I never get the flu again in Europe. My European friends don't seem to be affected by the strain of flu I got at all, it must be something they've grown up with and have fought thru before as a kid. But seriously, I am determined never to get it again! It was the worst experience ever and I really thought I was going to die!!!! :(

PS - super super tak to freknar for saving/sustaining my life the past week... :)

Friday the 13th

Hm... I just noticed that it's Friday the 13th and no one here has mentioned it! SO, I decided to turn to my colleague:

E: HEY! It's Friday the 13th today! :)
M: ...so?
E: You know! Friday the 13th! *making claw-like gesture* Y'know, Freddy Kruger, Nightmare on Elm Street...*baring teeth* rowr...
M: Ohh.. yea...
E: No walking under ladders, avoiding black cats-
M: I have 2 black cats.
E: Oh...so.. I guess it's not a big thing here, eh?
M: ...nope.

Because I was curious and hoping to enlighten my readers about Friday the 13th (translation: i wanted to avoid working), I decided to find out more about this funny date.

Some facts:

• In North America and Europe, a significant portion of the population won't fly in airplanes, host a party, apply for a job, get married or even start a new project today. Some people won't even come into work.
• The medical condition for being afraid of Friday the 13th is known as paraskevidekatriaphobia.
• Thirteen is significant to Christians because it is the number of people who were present at the Last Supper (Jesus and his 12 apostles). Judas, the apostle who betrayed Jesus, was the 13th member of the party to arrive. Jesus was also crucified on a Friday.

Well, that's enough educational material for me to last a while. Happy Friday the 13th everyone!

About work

So life has returned pretty much 'back to normal,' or back to 'business as usual' if I should use company lingo. :P Since I am currently out of ideas on what to post here, I thought I'd maybe give you a glimpse into what my workplace is like. (Mouse-over the pics to see captions.)



Embarrassing moment van de dag (of the day)
In Holland, it's hard to find a water cooler in the office. However, you can bet that in every office, you can find a coffee machine. This coffee machine gives small dental sized cups of coffee, tea, hot water, hot chocolate and sometimes soup. Dutch people can have anywhere from 2-10+ cups a day of this stuff, and it's a social custom to ask your colleagues if they would like a drink when you are getting one for yourself.

Sidenote: The quality of drinks from these coffee machines is quite crappy, but the Dutch don't seem to notice. Hence, the lack of quality coffee in this country.

Anyway, I had just gotten a round of drinks from the coffee machine and rounded the corner back to our section to distribute them. Noticing that one of our colleagues, an older British man had returned from a meeting and I hadn't gotten a drink for him, I said in an overly sweet tone: "Oh! I missed you!"

It took only a second for me to realise how wrong that sounded cuz I saw a strange look on his face as well, but then I quickly blurted out, "I mean, I didn't get you a drink!! Ha..Ha.." -____-