Nasty Buggers

It's been hard getting a good night's sleep for the past few days, thanks to an annoying gang of mosquitos that seem to auto-replenish themselves everytime we kill one. Even if we use our mosquito net to block 'em out, they seem to be able to find a way in somehow!? OR they are piercing us through the net, which would be totally pointless to have the stick-to-our-skin net at all.

This morning, I awoke to the familiar high-pitched buzzing in my ear. I bolted up, grabbed our electric racquet and went on the prowl. You would think that with my bad eyesight I wouldn't have a chance, but luckily this one was all juiced up and plump with a fresh bite off C's back. I swooped him onto my powered raquet, and he was frozen still by the electric shock.

'That was easy,' I thought as I carried him on the racquet towards the toilet, but suddenly, his corpse POPPED and a huge blue spark exploded off the racquet!!!!! !@$%$%@#$@#$!!! This is what normally happens if my prey is exceptionally large, but I totally didn't expect it as I let out a blood curdling scream. All this at 8 in the morning...

Then on my way to the kitchen I stopped dead in my tracks to see a GIANT daddy long legs on its back, with its angular legs pointing at the sky. Looked pretty dead to me. But of course, there was NO WAY I was going near it!! So of course, I called on my personal exterminator:

E: Huuuun...!! There's a giant fly dead in the kitchen!!!! Hellllp!!
C: (grumbling, half asleep)
E: Come on!! It's gross!!! (I step over it and go make some breakfast.)
C: (walks down the hall, into the kitchen) ... ugh.. where is it?
E: (turns around, looks at the floor) OMG YOU STEPPED ON IT!! HAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!! ITS UNDER YOUR FOOT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
C: (jumps away with half of the daddy long legs stuck to his foot) Ahhh!! ewww!! I HATE YOU!!!! I hate you... I hate you... (grumbles and goes back to bed)

Hahahahahaha :D

Eggs and their many uses

It's a well known fact in Amsterdam that the taxi drivers are ruthless when it comes to bikers/cyclists. They're constantly trying to run you off the road with load honking, making sharp turns on the canal bridges 1cm away from you, accelerating towards you while you cross the street and/or hitting you with their side mirrors at high speed on narrow streets. It's like they're trying to kill you, literally.

This morning, a fellow biker almost got crushed by a taxi driver making a U-turn into a taxi lane. He had tried to pass the taxi on its left side as it happened, and was uttering a series of 'Hey's' with increasing volume and frequency before the taxi driver caught eye of him. This was actually a 'nice' taxi driver, believe it or not, because he raised his hand and shirked apologetically to the biker, who was understandably hot-headed and furious at this point. Like, c'mon, can't you see he's got a backpack, suitcase, children seated in the front and back, block of cheese in the front rack, umbrella in one-hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other?!! Give the guy a break!!!

(Okay so I was kidding about his Dutchness. He only had 2 bags and an umbrella, to be fair.)

Anyway, I have been in many of these situations myself, and have always felt flustered afterwards. How else should one feel after knowing someone actually tried to kill you!!? or at least could have... The rapid rage of fury is usually followed by "I wish I had an egg right about now" stream of thoughts, because it would be so nice - SOO NICE - to smash an egg (or 2) into that a**hole's shiny new car.

(My other inventions for annoyed bikers are still in the works and will be released in 2009, namely the 'Move Bitch' Tourist Swatter, Pocket-sized Air Horn, Racquet Ball on-a-Stick for hitting cars, and other exciting items.)

Waddle, waddle

I was backing out of my garage today when I thought I saw the garage door jerk a little. Must've been my eyes, I thought. But then, in the rearview mirror, something looked just a wee bit wrong. Better turn my head around...Slowly but surely, I realised that there was a car parked right behind me, on our driveway!(?)...BOXing me in!!! argh!!!

It's the woman who lives downstairs. I had only seen her once, while driving home with my Grandma one day. She was quite large, flabby, and short haired, walking up our driveway to take the side entrance to the basement. At the time, she had flashed us a toothy smile, which gave me the impression that she was a decent human being...

I didn't understand why she had parked on our 45 degree sloped driveway anyway. Was she that lazy she couldn't even walk up 10 steps to get up the hill?? Didn't she think about us in the garage who might have to get out to go someplace?? Needless to say, I was pretty steamed when I gave her a phone call to move her cheap-ass car out da way.

Waiting impatiently in the garage with my arms crossed, I was ready to yell at her and tell her to NEVER park her car on our driveway again, but when she finally came into view, I just couldn't do it.

She was way bigger than I remembered, and literally waddled from side to side while making deep breathing noises. Nasty looking, she stared at the ground while walking and didn't apologise or act sorry for boxing me in. Maybe I should have said something more, but I felt really sorry for the way she was and didn't think it would help anything.

Hm...I'll get my dad to tell her... hehe.

Easter chocolate inventory

1 Lindt chocolate bunny, wrapped in gold foil
1 Reese PB Egg, filled with mini Reese PB cups
1 solid milk chocolate 2D rabbit
1 half-eaten bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs (couldn't help it)
1 ginormous Purdy's chocolate rabbit, with purple ribbon
4 Cadbury Creme Eggs
1 Spongebob Easter Egg Chocolate

Coming home during Easter was indeed a good idea... :)

Grandma's musings

In only the few days that I’ve been home, my Grandma has pretty much been making me laugh non-stop with all her strange and cute remarks/actions. It really makes me realise how much I’m really missing by not being around to spend time with her each and every day…she’s such a goofball!! But now that I’m here, I love every minute that we spend together. Here are just a few of the funny moments we’ve shared so far:

Poo-nanas
Maa: I don’t know why, but I’ve been getting small stomachaches these days right before I have to poo…
E: Really? What kind of poo is it? Is it diarrhea? (wondering if she has a stomach bug)
Maa: NO!! (defiantly) I have the nicest poo, they come out one strip at a time, just like bananas.
E: Oh…(cringe)

Big mouth
Maa: (to Dad) Your daughter bought you a bottle of wine!
E: Hey!! Why’d you tell him!? I haven’t given him the gift yet!!
Maa: Heh? It’s not a secret, why can’t I tell him? He’s going to get the gift anyway!
E: (grumble grumble) Great, just great.
Maa: If it was a secret, you should have told me it was a secret. Then I wouldn’t have told…
E: Well, why do you think I wrapped it?!
Maa: (eyebrows lift and mouth makes an ‘O’ shape) Oh…! (nodding)

Red mark
We’ve just parked the car and as we’re getting out, my G-ma opens the door and WHACKS the car next to us with her car door.
“Aiya!!” I scream. “Why did you do that??”
“Do what?” she says. Slowly she gets out of the car and I run around to inspect the damage. Lo and behold, there’s a big RED mark on the other person’s car, courtesy of our lovely red sports car door.
“Aiiii! Now I have to move the car so they don’t know it was us!!”“What do you mean?” she says. “I don’t see a mark!”

The long journey home...

I thought I had gotten myself a pretty sweet deal at first. "Only" 15 hours of total flight time, 1 connection and a relatively short stopover of 1.5 hours. Little did I know, how wrong it could get. Let me count the ways:

1. When I'm checking in, the lady tells me that I will have to go thru Immigrations and Customs in Chicago and recheck my 2 ginormous bags, and with only one hour in between my flights that's really sh*tty.
2. Somehow I'm in a mad rush after checking in cuz it's time to board, but I haven't changed money yet, I realise I've forgotten my beloved block of cheese back home and haven't bought anything for my Grandma yet!! -->I run around like a beheaded chicken and get most of the stuff done and run to the gate.
3. I get on board and of course I'm sandwiched between 2 men with a strong preference for elbow space. My stomach's growling like crazy due to my total lack of planning to pack snacks instead of all those godforesaken stroopwafels and 2 totally filling grapefruits. :P
4. I get excited that 'No Country For Old Men' is gonna be showing on one of the channels (5), only to discover that (of course), Channel 5 is out of service. I resort to watching/grimacing thru Alvin and the Chipmunks and Lions for Lambs.
5. The flight lands on time, we get off and walk 2 km (I'm not kidding) to get to a long line for US Immigration, where a cute beagle sniffed me out and I get caught for carrying grapefruits in my backpack. The inspection lady puts a big red mark on my customs card.
6. When waiting in line for the Immigration person, the guy in front of me who is standing with the officer starts to heckle me with sly remarks like, "Hey lady... Chinese... Japanese..." At first I responded with a "Huh?" and when I realised he was just a beligerent fool I looked away trying to ignore him, only to be further harassed with repeated "Lady.. hey Lady..." He was with a whole family of people, sons, and a wife(?) but none of them did anything to stop him, wut da hell!!?
7. Finally after passing thru Immigration, I wait for my bag. One arrives, but the other one is nowhere to be seen!!! I go grab a luggage trolley to kill time, and break off 2 fingernails in the process (Ow!!). Thirty stress-filled minutes pass before my other bag shows up and I roll rapidly to Customs.
8. OF COURSE... Customs sees the red mark and tells me to go get checked. I lug my bags to them and get my 2nd grapefruit confiscated. Damn them!!
9. At this time, I have like 5 mins to get to my gate before it closes, so I run to the other side of the airport and board in time, phew!
10. Sitting in my seat, I'm SO relieved to be on the plane and think 'I made it!! Only 4 more hours, and I'll be there!!' The plane is 10 minutes late (that's cool, that's cool). 30 minutes late (what's going on??). Then 2 hours late (WUT dA F!?!). There's a snow storm and the de-icing machines keep putting us on the bottom of their priority list. AARRGH!!! We finally lift off after about 2.5 hrs delay.

Seriously, I'm never flying thru the US again!!! (Okay except for my flight back.) I totally thought it wouldn't be as bad as flying thru London, but it's way worse!! The being surrounded by Americans thing was also freaky, SHUDDER!

Flu + Stomach Flu = -2kg

So...after going through one heck of a flu, I had the 'pleasure' of experiencing the stomach flu a few days later, and let me tell you - as someone who is totally against throwing up, it was NOT a fun experience.

See, when you get the stomach flu, your gastrointestinal system shuts down, meaning nothing can stay in. You get totally nauseous (check) and you usually end up throwing up (...). In my case, I suppose my urge to stifle the puke-gag was so strong, I ended up with 'just' hours of nausea, while I lay on my back struggling to keep my body at 90 degrees to the floor, so that I wouldn't have to puke.

After a good um, I dunno, 6 hours, and strange nightmares of myself revolving around in a carousel (wtf right?) I decided it was time to get over my fear of throwing up, and just do it. It was no easy task, but thanks to an orange toothbrush handle and the gentle coaxing of C, I managed to choke up what had been bothering me for way too long.

I'll spare you the details, but I just wanna say: PUKING.REALLY. SUCKS!!! Oh gawd, was it disgusting. and I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN if I can help myself!!!!

Real life 'POPPLE'

So remember back when we were kids, there were these cute lil stuffed animals called 'Popples', that you could turn inside out?

Well a crazy Dutch woman/artist (and I use the term loosely) has created a real-life popple, using the carcasses of a household cat and dog. Calling it art, she has once killed her own cat to make a purse, shredded baby chicks in a paper shredder and let hundreds of hamsters run around for days in coloured plastic balls (poor things!).

I find it rather disgusting... and you know what they say about people who kill animals.

Read more:

http://www.tinkebell.com/popple.html

http://www.radionetherlands.nl/currentaffairs/080207-dead-dog-cat-popple